A little aircraft humour for U!?

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after every flight, qantas pilots fill out form, called “gripe sheet,” tells mechanic s problems aircraft. mechanics correct problems, document repairs on form, , pilots review gripe sheets before next flight.

here actual maintenance complaints submitted qantas’ pilots (marked “p”) , solutions recorded (marked “s”) maintenance engineers.

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p: left inside main tire needs replacement.
s: replaced left inside main tire.

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p: test flight ok, except auto-land rough.
s: auto-land not installed on aircraft.

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p: loose in cockpit.
s: tightened in cockpit.

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p: dead bugs on windshield.
s: live bugs on back-order.

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p: autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 feet per-minute descent.
s: cannot reproduce problem on ground.

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p: evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
s: evidence removed.

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p: dme volume unbelievably loud.
s: dme volume set more believable level.

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p: friction locks cause throttle levers stick.
s: that’s they’re for.

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p: iff inoperative.
s: iff inoperative in off mode

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p: suspected crack in windshield.
s: suspect you’re right.

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p: number 3 engine missing.
s: engine found on right wing after brief search.

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p: aircraft handles funny
s: aircraft warned straighten up, fly right, , serious.

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p: target radar hums.
s: reprogrammed target radar lyrics.

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p: mouse in cockpit.
s: cat installed.

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p: noise coming under instrument panel sounds midget pounding on hammer.
s: took hammer away midget.

after every flight, qantas pilots fill out form, called “gripe sheet,” tells mechanic s problems aircraft. mechanics correct problems, document repairs on form, , pilots review gripe sheets before next flight. here actual maintenance complaints...


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